


time and notes

by minryujis



Category: ITZY, MIDZY
Genre: F/F, ITZY ships, jinlia, ryujisu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25956319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minryujis/pseuds/minryujis
Summary: Ryujin left notes in different places, she actually planned that. Lia loves poems, on the other hand.With much luck, she gets to find the notes in the places she goes.Unexpectedly, it always happens.So, she keeps the note, her heart skips a beat, and she reads it.Frustratingly wanting to know who the hell is that person, she surprisingly found something on the last note (as she assumed it would be).How the heck can she find that writer?
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my first try to write a fic, and i don't know if this will go well. and, maybe this will just be short. ryujisu au!  
> enjoy! posting it today since Not Shy came out. all the love <3
> 
> twt: @minryujis

_ How can you heal a broken heart? _

I Googled it. I found it funny but I still searched it up. I mean, there's no really harm if I look into it-but all I see now is _move on, forget her, leave the memories, move on, move on,_ and more of moving on. Oh well, moving on is probably the key, though it's not really the answer I'm hoping I could get. 

' _Mom, I'm going out!_ ', well not yet, I'm trying to ponder on what to wear so I looked outside. Clear skies, no sun, huh? I stopped in front of the mirror and pointed, 'you just know what to wear'. Then hurriedly I ran to my closet, picked up the first hanger I got hold on the right side, then another one on the left side, and then sneakers. ' _Don't you have any other clothes, dear? That's like the thing you wear every day_.' I stood in front of my mom, wearing a green hoodie, sweatpants, sneakers, with my backpack on. ' _A different color, Mom. You don't know the comfort I am in when I wear these'_ , then I swirled around while hugging myself. She chuckled, ' _Okay, noted! I'll buy more plain hoodies so you can design, okay?_ ' Overjoyed is not enough to describe what I'm feeling. ' _Really?! You, Mom!? Buying me clothes?!_ ', I am used to buying things alone, for myself, so this is really new to me. 

I mean, everything's new to me. 

' _Of course. Mind if I join you to your-so-called adventure today? As you always tell me_ ' then she laughs. Everyday I go out alone, another new thing-going out with my mom. I smiled and hugged her, and I know she was shocked by the sudden gesture but she gladly returned it. ' _Let's go, I'm quite running late with my schedule for today. You held me!_ ' I jokingly told her, then we laughed. 

My mom allowed me to drive for her once, when she sprained her ankle. _‘Can I drive, Mom? I mean, I know you’re not comfo—_ ‘, she cut me off, ‘ _Drive, dear. I want to see if you’ve become a race car driver or a safe driver_ ’ she stopped laughing when I told her, ‘ _I am both, Mom’_. It’s my turn to laugh, ‘ _Kidding. Our hearts are safe in my car. I’m a safe driver, just like you. So let’s go!_ ’ she ruffled my hair gently before going in the car. 

So I thought of my plan while driving. I’m focusing on driving while I think, I have nine days. And I'm starting today. I just need to tick this off my journal. Now I need something to think about. ‘ _Mom?_ ’ she faced me as we’re listening to an instrumental of Feel Special by TWICE. ‘ _Could you give me a word?_ ’, she looked away for a while and spoke ‘ _hope_ ’, then she smiled, full of hope. 

What can I do with hope? I’ll think about it later. We arrived at the mall. And it’s true, mom is currently buying things for me. Hoodies in different colors, sweatpants and trackpants, sneakers and slip-ons. She paid for it, though I asked her to let me pay even just the half but she insists. I am used to spending my own money (though my mom still gives me allowances monthly) since I’m a freelance photographer. Photographer, a childhood dream I’m doing right now.

[FLASHBACK]

2013

‘ _Ryu-ryu! Where are you?_ ’, the voice echoed from the outside. My mom laughingly went up to my room, knocked, ‘ _I guess your favorite best friend is there already. Oh, you just have one friend. Hahaha! Hurry up, Ryujin_ ’. ‘MOM!!!’, she laughed louder. ‘Let her in, Mom. Thank you!’. I heard the front door open and I ready myself for an attack—a hug. But too early for my laziness, I said to myself. ‘ _What are you doing, Ryu?_ ’ she told me, while she was laughing. ‘ _What?_ ’, I asked her while hugging a pillow in front of me. She ended up hugging me and us falling on the bed. I sat back up and looked down at her while she was lying there, I think I’m… Then she smacked my face with a pillow along with her loudest laugh, I fell down on the bed again, holding my face which quite hurt with much force she put in, I think I’ll cry. ‘ _Oh my gosh, Ryu-ryu. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hit you that hard. Please don’t cry, I’m sorry_ ’, and I saw tears are about to fall from her eyes. I quickly grabbed my polaroid camera and took a photo of her. She ended up pushing me and I can’t stop laughing. When we calmed down, I asked her, ‘ _Do you want to go to the bookstore down the road?_ ’, her face lit up. She smiled at me.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

‘ _Mom, let’s go to the camera store. I actually went here to buy a new polaroid camera and some films too_ ’, she followed me and while we’re chatting as we walk towards the store. I heard a laugh that I thought resembles to one of my favorites, huh? uhm, movie character? I shrugged my thought off and decided to not look back. We reached the store, it feels weird to touch a new camera, without the memories before. Just moments to be soon made. Am I ready for this? I got so lost in thought, I didn’t realize that my mom already bought it. ‘ _Too lost, Ryu. Here you go. You missing someone, sweetie?_ ’, that caught me off-guard. She knew at that moment. ‘ _No, Mom! Hahaha, are you kidding? It’s been years. Hahaha. Moved on! Hahaha_ ’, I awkwardly told her, but my mind told me that just earlier I searched how to heal a broken heart, and yes, I should just move on.

I’m getting out of focus, wait, okay, on to my plan, then.

For today's place, first stop: the new coffee shop at the mall. 

So, I heard, new places should be made memorable.


	2. Chapter 2

I really do not have any plan to get up as early as 10AM. And now I can’t even say no, as I am being dragged to the bathroom, by my ‘favorite bestfriend’ as what she calls herself.‘ _I.DON’T.WANT.TO.GO.OUT.TODAY.’_ , I whined as I got in the shower. ‘ _What the hell are you doing now?_ ’, she stood there, far enough not to get any splash of water from the shower. ‘ _I am watching you, isn’t it obvious? Take a bath now, I just want to make sure you’ll finish quickly_ ’, she crossed her arms and I whined louder to get her out the bathroom, and she just laughed loud and leave. 

I am so beyond the word lazy today. I am about to drift off my thoughts when a loud knock snapped me out. ‘ _I’m going to enter right here, right now or you’re going out?_ ’, I didn’t answer but I’m on the verge of laughing out loud when I heard the doorknob clicked, ‘ _I’m going out, for shit’s sake! Chill!_ ’. ‘ _YEJI!!!_ ’ she’s downstairs, probably munching on a bag of chips I left on the dinner table. ‘ _What is really your problem, Lia?_ ’, I laughed when I saw her expression—concerned then turned to annoyance. ‘ _What will I wear today?_ ’, I asked her. ‘ _Seriously? You always wear your tee and pants with slippers outfit, now you’ll ask me what you’ll wear? Seriously, Lia?_ ’, she is so annoyed. ‘ _Just pick some clothes for me, I’m too lazy_ ’, she hurriedly run towards my closet and grabbed the nearest summer dress she saw—I am doomed, yes, I am. 

I am sleepy and annoyed and it’s not a great combination. Yeji knows that. Yet she manages it well, how? I don’t know. I have been whining non-stop since I got in her car, telling her if I am not lazy I should’ve gotten a better fit, that I don’t want this dress, telling her how sleepy I am, how lazy I am to rush to the mall just because she wants to go out, how I look like a tourist when I just live seven blocks away from the mall, telling why did I only bring a black sling bag with my phone and wallet. Could this day get any better? 

Yes, of course, it will. Just as I’m about to go out the car, I bumped my head. It was so loud that Yeji ran to me at her full speed, to check happened to my head. ‘ _What the hell, Jisu?!_ ’, her voice is ringing in my head, it’s so loud. ‘ _It’s quite painful but don’t worry, this is strong_ ’, I told her which quite calmed her nerves, I think. ‘ _Where are we heading? I just wanna go home, please be fast_ ’, I whined once again, we just kept walking until we reached the bookstore. ‘ _I hate you’_ , then she sticks her tongue out and drags me to the shelf full of poetry books. Now, I’m in heaven. Or maybe in hell, I’m not so sure. I guess, I have to forget hell, at least, for now.

[FLASHBACK]

2012

‘ _Do you want this book or this book?_ ’, I looked at what she’s holding. I am so confused. ‘ _A Mitch Albom or a Haruki Murakami? Seriously? You’re stressing me out_ ’, I told her and she laughed. ‘ _I’ll take Murakami first. I’ve been hearing a lot of Murakami from you lately, I have to check his books out_ ’, I couldn’t help but smile and slap her shoulder slightly. Now, I’m sure… Wait, I’m thinking too deeply, where the hell is… ‘ _BOO!_ ’, I literally jumped and screamed when she jumped in front of me after hiding behind the shelf. Now, people are staring at me and I’m about to cry of annoyance and shame. ‘ _What the—_ ‘, she covered my mouth, I’m too loud but I’m so annoyed. She’s whispering _sorry_ , _I’m so sorry,_ and _shut up, you’re too noisy_. I have no choice but to shut it.

We’ve walked around and I’m still quiet, while she’s trying to beg for forgiveness for what she did a while ago. She knows me. Maybe better than I know myself. Maybe I need someone like her. Like for keeps? ‘ _Lia to Earth, Earth to Lia. Hello?_ ’ she put up her phone to her ears, like calling me and I laughed. I’m zoning out again, it’s just that, never mind. I smiled at her, as she put her right arm on my shoulder, she’s really sorry for what she did. ‘ _Bread? Mocha? Yeah, I know. Ramen? Okay._ ’, she laughed while staring at me, ‘ _I don’t even have to say anything, Lia. You just know, how on Earth?_ ’, I smiled at her, ‘ _This is on me, okay? Thanks for dragging me out today!_ ’, I told her which kind of shocked her. ‘ _Why?_ ’, I burst out, while we sat on the corner of the ramen restaurant she picked. ‘ _You never say that you’re thankful for me dragging your lazy ass out? What now?_ ’, she is seriously…trying not to laugh. ‘ _Can I just be thankful today? Let me be!_ ’, ‘ _Smile, Li!_ ’, when the camera flashed, I never knew—

[END OF FLASHBACK]

‘ _Smile!_ ’, the camera flashed, followed by an annoyed, ‘ _What’s taking you so long, Choi Jisu? Can you just like buy it all?_ ’, it’s her time to whine since we’ve been here for an hour, or probably more and I haven’t left the shelf yet. I’m too caught up with memories that needs to stop coming back. ‘ _Help me, okay, Rupi Kaur or Lang Leav?’_ , she knows I’m serious so she checked both books I held up then took it to the counter, ‘ _It’s both interesting, so now, can we go?_ ’, I clung unto her since I’m happy for two more books! She paid for it since it is a long due birthday gift and a peace offering for dragging me out today. 

I know where we’re headed, she’ll just go shopping, as expected. ‘ _I’ll just buy something for a friend. Then, we’ll eat. Sounds good? Okay, wait_ ’, and now I wait. We’re in this hoodies section, I guess. I think that voice is from someone I know. Yes, it is, I can’t believe—yes, it’s Yeji calling me for help, deciding which or which. What a lazy day to be at the mall for your friend, I want to go home.


	3. Chapter 3

‘ _Hello, can I get a Caramel Frappe and one Grande Iced Latte. Oh, and can you add 2 slices of Red Velvet cake here. For take-out please_ ’, the cashier smiled at me and repeated what I’ve said. I smiled back and gave her an exact amount. I dropped a bill at the tip box too. It is a nice day, I told myself. I moved aside, just standing right in front the claiming area. The smell of coffee feels like home. It etches on my skin—warmth. I missed this feeling. I was looking intently as the barista moves swiftly while preparing different coffee cups.

And I heard a familiar voice again. ‘ _Shut up, you’re too loud. Shhh_ ’, followed by a laugh that echoed in my head. I was wearing my hood so I decided to turn at my right side to have a look when, ‘ _Order for Ryu_ ’, my gaze went quickly to the barista smiling, I thanked him and went quickly to where my mom is. ‘ _Mom, can we go home now? Let’s just take this home, I want to chill at the sofa_ ’, I scribbled something on the paper I took out from my backpack. She’s kind of lost but it was really nothing, I just wanted to go home. Mom looked around and when I finished what I was writing, I put my things in my bag, took the shopping bags and off we go. I looked at my camera hooked around my neck. I probably should shoot polaroids again.

—–—

Finally. She is paying at the cashier, she just bought two hoodies, which she will give to her friend (care of me since I chose those). I am really, really hungry so when Yeji came near, I dragged her to the nearest shop I saw. ‘ _Oh, this coffee shop seems cozy, this looks like a nice place to chill out_ ’, she told me while looking around. The coffee shop is full, since it just opened today (I saw their ad outside). Literally, there are no vacant seats when we arrived. We were in line when Yeji started whining and I have to cover her mouth for being too loud. I told her we’ll get seats, she somehow believed. It’s our turn to order and I laughed loud when she looked at me as if she’s panicking when the cashier asked our order. I gave our order, just 2 Iced Mocha Frappe and a slice of Chocolate cake. ‘ _Order for—_ ’, ‘ _Listen to me!_ ’, Yeji interrupted. I know I heard it right. My heart quite skipped a beat. I tried to look around, then back at the claiming area, hoping I could see someone familiar. I was just looking round and around but I saw no one, that was quick, I thought. I shrugged the thought, maybe that’s just another person.

We claimed our order, looked around for some vacant seats and Yeji bursts out, ‘ _THERE!_ ’. We almost ran to the seat at the corner. This is too cozy. Beanbags and books around me. What a beautiful place to be in. I put down our tray. There’s a piece of paper on the table so I just kept it in my bag, I’ll throw it out later. Yeji’s browsing her phone, I started reading my newly-bought book, I started with Rupi Kaur’s. She suddenly spoke, ‘ _How are you?_ ’, I looked at her. ‘ _Huh?_ ’, but I know what she’s referring to. ‘ _About what you’re reading, today, you, how are you?_ ’, I just smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders. ‘ _C’mon, I’ll take you home, Li. Let’s go._ ’ I hurriedly jumped back up, I can’t wait to go home.

Yeji dropped me off my house. ‘ _I’ll see you tomorrow, Li!_ ’, I have no plans of getting up tomorrow, but I have no choice, perhaps. I waved my hands and she left. ‘ _I’m home, Mom_ ’, she just peeked and smiled, she’s at the kitchen. I stayed at the living room, I reached for my phone in my bag when I grabbed something. The trash I got from the coffee shop. I was about to throw it when something caught my eye. It isn’t just a paper, it’s written on a notepad? Specialty paper? I un-crumpled it. There’s...a poem?

** a hope for something better **

** is seen beyond the universe **

** written in every letter **

** sang in every verse **

** the hope for something beautiful **

** is heard by the skies **

** which made every hearts full **

** through prayers with closed eyes **

Who writes so beautifully and just leaves a masterpiece nowhere? And now, I’ll suffer here—thinking who is that person. There is this urge that I have to meet, I might befriend someone who’ll become a popular writer—what a dream a come true. But I cut my own thoughts—I will never find out who that was. This is the first time and most definitely the last too. This is probably just a nice day for me. What a nice day it is.

———

I set down the bags on the living room. My mom grabbed utensils for us, as we will start our movie marathon. It’s a Saturday, we can stay up ‘til I don’t know what time and have the whole Sunday to rest. ‘ _I missed this. It’s been a while since I spent the whole day with my not-so-little one anymore_ ’, I heard (or misheard) her voice cracked a bit. I don’t want to see her cry. Not this time, not never. So I snuggled to her, ‘ _Thanks for today, Mom. I appreciate it, so much_ ’, she kissed the top of my head and we just continued to watch. I know she’s crying but I didn’t mention it anymore. I’ll just cherish this day before she goes back to work, work and work. It’s around 12am already, I think she slept. I moved away from her gently, enough not to wake her up. I snuck out my journal, got a polaroid of my mom sleeping and stuck it on one of the pages. I thought of what to write on the page. I wrote down the things we did today.

** hug. drive. shopping. polaroid camera. coffee date and a movie marathon. **

It may be common, but these are the things I’d like to take note and do again some time. I hope we can do it again. Oh, I almost forgot.

** hug. drive. shopping. polaroid camera. coffee date and a movie marathon. familiarity. first stop. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am much sorry for the very late update. but, hey! thank you for the 100+ hits! i just posted this work to stop me from my writer's block, but yes, that's a big achievement for me. so, thank you for your support! <333

I stepped in, feeling the same old warmth. Like it had been ages since I came here—and it feels the same. I went to my favorite section and stayed there for a while. I decided to find it...I know it’s somewhere here. I just hope it’s still here. But, it’s not behind the books anymore, someone might’ve saw it, they probably bought that book—my favorite. I then checked some other sections and went to my other favorite section. I searched for an interesting book, maybe a poetry book? Something caught my eye, a book with a bright yellow cover— **Her Favorite Color Is Yellow by Edgar Holmes**. I scanned through the pages, I found it sweet, since he wrote it for his wife. It’s like a book of love letters. I took a photo of it with my polaroid camera. I found two poems that I think is amusing. And then, I left it somewhere that can be easily spotted.

I slipped my pen in my back pocket, just in case I’ll need it again. I’m wearing a black pants, an oversized shirt, slip-ons, backpack and camera I wore around my neck. Usual stuff. I chose to walk my way home. I know it’s quite far but I just need to walk my thoughts off.

I remember what I did earlier today. It’s Monday. Mom’s back at work, though she told me she’ll come home early and that’s unexpected and expected at the same time, she told me she wants to spend more time with me than her work, fair enough because I miss her.

So earlier today, I chose to pass a different way to get to the mall. Though, it’s a way that I am used to walking around ever since. God, I just miss everything about it here. I hope I could’ve just—then I stopped I stood, frozen right there. Hurriedly I reached something from my bag and dropped it there. I don’t really think that people would open such things since everything can be done thru the Internet. Why is it vacant still? Ryujin, stop thinking so much. I continued walking, around five blocks away from the mall. I could’ve just braved myself before. I could’ve just chosen a different path but I didn’t and I have to not regret anything anymore.

I don’t why I’m here but I’m here. A park. Where I used to go when I feel down or whatnot. It’s empty. Maybe because the sun’s about to set. I checked my phone, 5:10. Five minutes. I was hoping for something within those five minutes. Instead, I reached for my pen on my pocket, a stone, paper and took a photo it. I slipped the film on my journal, I’ll fix it later. My mind worked well today, that’s kind of impressive and tiring. I left it on the swing, then went ahead. 5:15.

It’s 5:30 when I reached our front. Mom isn’t there yet, the living room lights are still off. I keyed my way in. ‘ _Hi there, Ryu_ ’, I jumped a bit, ‘ _You scared me!_ ’, I went near her and hugged her. I could stay like this until this life permits. ‘ _Where have you been? I thought about calling you but I just let you be, you maybe in deep thought, probably?_ ’, I nodded and told her I just went to the booksale shop I always go to. _White lies, Ryu_.

After dinner, I went to my room and left my mom at the living room since she has to do a few more paper works. I threw myself on my bed, I am too tired, but it feels satisfying. I have to go to one last spot. That was quicker than I thought. I have to tick something off my to-do list. That’s the first, but that’s huge. I just hope this won’t end. I hope nothing ends. But what I hope for is to be saved, I guess. Or to be loved again?

** •Drop nine poems anywhere (maybe in places you’re familiar, Ryu. face life) **

Life is a lot different than everything before. As much as I want to live normally, I just can’t. Some things are holding me back. It’s as if life has so much more and I keep myself in a box (or maybe it’s life that’s keeping me in a box). My mom knows how much more things I wanted to do in my life. Too much that sometimes she gets scared of what I’ll do the next day. Life is good right now, life was better before—before heartbreak. That quite sent me back to my usual. I forgot about spontaneity. I left it there. I heard a soft knock on my door, then my mom peeked, ‘ _In for some night drives and take-outs?_ ’, I smiled and nodded. I hope life gets better and better and better. I need to see my mom smile like this every day. I don’t want to take away her happiness. I just brought my camera. Memories should be kept, better in photographs.

We’re here, I don’t know where Mom found this, but this is beautiful. City view, cold breeze. I let myself drown in my thoughts, Mom understands. I’ve been on a constant battle with myself. If I’ll reach out or no. But knowing myself, of course, I’ll choose the latter. Because I left. I asked if I’ll leave, ‘ _You can go. Just go_ ’, that’s all I needed to know that it’s time to let go. I saw happiness, and then another took it away. Bad for me, I wasn’t strong enough to fight for my happiness. I was just that person that took the pain away, but I was never that someone. Tears are falling—just another night, of those many nights. Mom saw me and hugged me tight. ‘ _It’ll pass. You’ll be fine, Ryu. It’ll pass_ ’, I know she knows. She just let me cry. Until tears dried, I took a photograph of the night sky. A photo of my mom and both of us together.

** It’ll pass. **

_ Will it pass?  _

My mom woke me up, I slept while crying and it’s around 3AM when we got home. I chose to sleep on the sofa while mom went to her room. I need to think of my last stop for later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy! i'll be writing the few chaps for this for a while. thank you for your support!<333

Tuesday. I wore something unusual today. No, not really, just some tee and black pants. Slip-ons, sling bag and camera. Kinda different from sweatshirt and backpack, yeah. It’s really nothing, I just wanted to go to one place today. Church. The city’s church. It’s been a while. It’s just quite farther than the mall, so I used my car, to drive around the city too. That’s my last stop.

[FLASHBACK]

‘ _Hold my hand_ ’, I did, I held her. In that church, I took out my camera and captured the most beautiful memory, that will be forever engraved in my heart. ‘ _I love you_ ’, slipped from my mouth. She gasped but she smiled. She knew I always have loved her, always will. ‘ _I love you too. Come, I’ll let you meet someone_ ’.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

I’m here. I don’t know if it’s the place or is it in my heart that seems heavier with every step I take? Will this end my misery? Will this end my longing? The pain? _I hope not_.

As I gathered all my strength to walk without any hint of hurt, I thought to myself, ‘ _If not now, when? When will I ever have the chance and courage to face the life I should’ve faced long ago?_ ’ I chose the seat where we would always sit. Somewhere at the back, right side facing the altar. I still remember her face, intently listening to what the priest is saying. Sometimes, a whisper of ‘ _Let’s go already_ ’, and right now, I hope she whispers, but instead she would whisper ‘ _Let go_ ’, maybe that’s easier—maybe that would make it easier for me.

After my heart calmed, I let my mind fly and think. It’s a Tuesday, there wouldn’t be much people coming here. None would ever notice these. I slipped my pen in my bag. I left it there. It felt like I left my pieces in places I used to love. I left my pieces in those places that only both of us know, but right now, there maybe a person seeing all these things— _I’m baring myself_.

I went straight to my car, I need to go home.

—————

On a Monday afternoon, I didn’t expect myself to be planning on walking to the mall. Maybe because it was a nice day yesterday? No. Maybe because of the coffee I drank this morning? No. Because of the familiarity of the voice yesterday? Maybe. Because of the poems? Yes, exactly. No, not the poem I found yesterday. But what I found earlier, at the mailbox. Their mailbox, that I usually check everytime I go out, because there might be some letters that need to be sent back to reach theirs. Okay, enough explaining, but there were two poems left and it’s like it was written quickly.

** and every night **

** i still pray for you **

** i see you in every light **

** you still shine in every hue **

** and every day **

** i run to Him **

** please bring her home, i say **

** until my eyes are just tears and dim **

** and in the midst of chaos **

** i'm afraid that you might be my loss **

-

** i caught a glimpse of you **

** sitting by the sunset, all blue **

** and i wanted to search for a hue **

** and words that i can say are true **

** for you **

Yes, even myself cannot believe what is happening but nonetheless, I am here. It’s creeping me out, is there someone following me? Knowing all my routines? So I looked around, but I’m here. Okay, where would I even find that person? Where will I start? Is that person here? What is that person up to? Okay again, to ease my mind, I’ll just go the booksale shop. Just the simple smell of the books relaxes me. And yes, of course, poetry books section. I’m looking for something that will catch my eye and bingo! Too fast though, but I won’t say no to that. So, this book is a compilation of declaring one’s love for another, wonderful. That’s lovely, and so I grabbed the book and paid for it. I should probably get going and go to the coffee shop, maybe I’ll find something there—someone, maybe.

When I got there, my eyes roamed around quickly. It’s 3PM, I have nothing to do, so I just stayed there. I bought a cup of iced coffee. I’m quite bothered with these poems. But I need to calm myself down. I pulled out the book I bought a while ago and started reading it. Until a paper fell when I turned to the next page.

** where are we **

** in an alternate road **

** or stranded in the sea **

** oh, my heart's going to explode **

** from missing you thee **

I didn’t expect. Read. Next page. I never expected to see this handwriting for the third time today. Calm down, just read. Next. It creeps me out but it fascinates me too. Just read, Lia, next. How the hell am I gonna see the writer of all these? How—another paper fell.

** through windows **

** i sneaked to see your smile **

** and even your tears at your lows **

** and run for a mile **

** just to have a sight **

** of my favorite light **

I’m sure I have to find that person. Now I am sure. My heart feels like it’s been broken into pieces. I cannot comprehend. Are these all directed to me? Is that the reason I’m the one getting these all? Is this planned? Am I being pranked? I am so lost in my thoughts and not realizing that tears are falling from my eyes.

[FLASHBACK]

(a few weeks ago)

‘ _You know who I’m talking about, Li_ ’, of course I know. And I could never forget, because she never left—my heart. ‘ _Was my decision wrong?_ ’, she lowered her gaze when I looked at her eyes. ‘ _I told her to leave. I didn’t know she would. I was happy. But I didn’t know that she is the one making me happy. It wasn’t just someone who left, it was my better half that I asked to leave. I didn’t reach out. And it still eats me up. 7 years had passed. Maybe she never really left, Hwang. She never left me, my heart. What happened to her?_ ’ I quickly wiped the tears that are starting to fall. ‘ _You threw her out. You were happy, she let you be. She left because you told her. I’m not gonna lie, but I miss her too. I don’t know, I haven’t had the chance to see her after that day._ ’ Silence.

‘ _Yeji, I still remember what I told her. “I’m sorry, but I’m happy. She makes me happy. I’m sorry.”_ ’ ‘“ _Do you want me to leave?_ ’”, “‘ _You can go. Just go. Please. I’m sorry._ ’” _She looked me in the eyes while I was crying, she smiled and went off. That was the last time too._ ’

[END OF FLASHBACK]


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